Who would have thought there’d be nudist swimming in Glasgow?! A novelty experience for some, but certainly something to try at least once in your lifetime.
When I arrived at the Arlington Baths Club I was nervous – extremely nervous. I’d been roped into trying naturist swimming thanks to an awesome Couchsurfer named Lindsay, who was staying with me. We found this unique experience as we were perusing the ‘What’s On in Glasgow’ guide and stumbling across a rather unassuming advertisement. Immediately, Lindsay was all for it and began imploring us both to go that evening – much to my relative discomfort.
From the moment Lindsay instigated our activity for the evening my heart began to pound. I’ve never been naked in public before and I’m hugely self-conscious about the way I look and the way my body sits. But the mantra ‘you only live once’ was whizzing through my mind and through the midst of nervousness there was a definitive underlying excitement.
Once we’d pulled ourselves together, we headed over the bathhouse – late – and I proceeded to the entrance with caution. I knew that the Arlington Baths Club did not have wheelchair access, and I was mentally prepared for this. However, the looks on certain club members faces as I rather ungracefully got out my wheelchair and shimmied up the stairs, was priceless. The sheer fact that they seemed so confused almost made me ‘throw in the towel’ (no pun intended) – as nervousness switched to embarrassment.
A quick registration process took place before we were ushered around the premises on a whistle-stop tour. I got a bit more than I bargained for when I inadvertently viewied a well-hung gentleman swinging loosely from the hooped ropes above the pool (see image – it’s not of him swinging though).
Interestingly enough, the only ‘weirdness’ I felt on that night came entirely in the clothed variety. Firstly, on the aforementioned tour, the fact that Lindsay and I were still both fully dressed and everyone else was bollocks naked, was a real physical oxymoron to wrap your head around. The second slightly awkward aspect of the evening revolved around the fact that the staff members and life-guards at the bathhouse were also all fully dressed. It felt almost cringe-worthy to be making small talk with them as you passed in the corridor – tackle swinging freely. I soon got over that but I did wonder what they must be thinking about it all?!
I’ll spare the spiel about how it was all super liberating and whatnot. I’m sure you’ve heard all that before, and I admit it is true. The people at the swim were also super kind-hearted and welcoming. Surprisingly enough there was actually several men and women my own age – and not everyone was 50+ as you might come to expect.
As for any awkward boners, I’m happy to report I was far too nervous for any of that shit. But apparently they do have the odd occasional incident where people behave inappropriately. There was one gentleman in the Turkish Sauna who kept spreading his legs widely and wouldn’t stop looking at me. Honestly – fixed stare the whole time I was in there. Lindsay confirmed his creepy demeanor, so it wasn’t just me overthinking things.
Why Was Nudist Glasgow Swimming Good For Me?
It wasn’t long before I was asked why I’d decided to give the nude swimming a try. I swallowed the temptation to say something witty, and instead came up with the most constructive reasoning I could think of. Essentially, as a disabled man I get stared at all the time in the street, at the supermarket, in the pub – you name it, people stop and stare. So I rationalised attending a nude swim session in the following way; if I can deal with people staring at me butt naked, then I can cope with people staring at me when I’m out and about.
Dunno if I’ll be going back in a hurry, but Lindsay bloody loved the entire naturist swimming experience.